After losing my husband in May of this year, most of my days were filled with sadness and repetition. I got my little family in a routine to find our new normal. Gone are the days of texting my husband cute messages and Tik Tok videos. Not only was I grieving the loss of my husband, but I had to find the delicate balance of creating a routine for my kids that wouldn't rock their world too much, while silently grieving so I could still be strong for them. At the end of each day, I was left exhausted and just wanted to sleep. As time went on, we got used to our routine, and I started seeing the good in things again. I started enjoying my time outside, and I wasn't so sad anymore. That's when the guilt set in. It's almost like I felt like I had to be sad all the time. Like anyone telling me "I'm sorry for your loss" was expecting me to break down in tears, but I didn't. This was one part of grief I was not expecting.
After thinking about this for a long while, being happy again is no reason to feel guilty! Our loved ones would want us to be happy again and not live the rest of our days under a cloud of sadness. Feeling happy and moving on do not mean that you forget the person, or that you're "over it". I had to remind myself that
just like it's okay to not be okay; it's okay to be happy, too. Sadness does still come arount, though. It's not completely gone, and I don't think it ever will be. But, finding nuggets of happiness every day sure make the days go by much faster and easier.