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The Day My Life Changed Forever

April 26, 2021 was the day I turned 30. It was also the day I learned I would become a widow. Let me take you back to February 5th, and how we got to April 26th. My husband, Jason, tested positive for COVID on February 5, 2021. We thought it would be a mild case, like mine had been the previous year. A few days in, I noticed things were not right. He couldn't breathe at night, he could barely shower without needing to sit down because he was so out of breath, and he was not himself. I took him to the emergency room February 12th. They quickly took him back to the COVID bays, unable to get a last hug, or a last goodbye. I was left in the parking lot, alone, 4 months pregnant with our son... waiting.

We kept in contact through text messages, and a few hours of waiting later, I learned he'd be staying the night at the hospital. At this point I was thankful he was in the hospital, because I knew he was going to get the medical help he needed. Days went by, and he wasn't getting better. His oxygen tank was being turned up on an almost hourly basis, and I could see he was doing worse through our multiple FaceTime calls. February 24th he was sent to the ICU and the morning of February 25th, he was intubated. I received a call from the nurse right when it was happening, because that was his last request.. to let me know he was about to be intubated. Being intubated meant you'd be put in a medically induced coma, and a ventilator would breathe for you. That was his biggest fear.

The days spent in the ICU were a rollercoaster. He'd be better one day, and worse the next. The doctors first told us that he would need a few days on the ventilator to give his lungs a break. That night, I received a call from the nurse telling me I could come see him, because his condition had deteriorated and they didn't think he'd make it the night. I went and visited him, prayed over him, and asked for a miracle. He made it through the night, and I held on to the glimmer of hope that he'd eventually come off the ventilator. That's when we were notified it wouldn't be a couple days, but weeks on the ventilator. A few weeks after that, he had a surgery to get a tracheostomy. This was what we were working towards the previous month! I was so excited because this meant he might wake up and I'd get to talk to my husband again!! Soon after that, they tried to slowly take away the sedatives in hopes of waking him up. This meant he would need to breathe on his own, with the support of the ventilator. We learned COVID did too much damage to his lungs and they were full of scar tissue. Because of this, it was impossible for him to breathe on his own because as the doctor stated, "his body is failing him". The last hope and Hail Mary attempt was a lung transplant in a hospital in Florida. We were so excited when they agreed to take his case!! This to me meant my step son, daughter and soon to be son would have their daddy back, and I'd have my partner back. This takes us to April 26th.

I visited Jason the morning of my birthday, April 26th. I was so excited to hear from the doctor what the plan was to go to Florida and get his lung transplant! The doctor walks in, but he has a somber look on his face. He said, "unfortunately, he is too unstable to travel, and he will not make it to Florida". I was crushed to say the least. I knew his condition was deteriorating. I knew his body had enough. I knew that even if we made it to Florida, it would be a long road, and no guarantee the transplant would be a success. That's the day I vowed to him that I'd use his story for good. I needed to turn this tragedy in our lives as a positive and help others. Jason then passed away May 4, 2021.

With this blog, I am sharing the ways I coped with becoming a widow so young in the hopes that it makes someone else feel less alone. I hope to help others with the process of grief, and I hope to become an uplifting voice to someone as they navigate their hardest days. The day Jason passed away, I felt like a flower dying. Now, it's time to bloom again.

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